every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
