That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Pants are for mortals
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I DEMAND FORESKIN
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
