She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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