i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
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