What did we do last night that was yellow?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
