I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
