11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
