i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
