they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
