it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
