it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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