Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Vodka?
Forever.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
