If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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