so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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