so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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