some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Sext me about skeletons
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
