the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
