There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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