did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
