tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
How does one acquire holy water?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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