and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
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you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
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I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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