Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
