I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
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I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
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THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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