i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
