we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
