Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
