Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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