I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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