I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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