the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
