he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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