Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
