Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
