The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
