...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
