We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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