i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
