Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
