Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
