This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You smell like stripper and shame
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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