My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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