dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
