My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We are two peas in an std pod
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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