My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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