where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
