i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
