How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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