are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
