things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
