Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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