I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
