Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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