how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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