Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
