Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
