I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
