my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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