I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
