Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
