nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize