She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
