I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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