I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
